This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
