Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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