I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
