the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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