i may or may not be watching the land before time
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I would ride that face into the sunset
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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