yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
