At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
