and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
