my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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