i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
