he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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