I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
