Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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