Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
