we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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