so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
