I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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