she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
