My friends, they love my intelligence
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
