dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
