No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
