youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
