Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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