Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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