If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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