I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize