I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
