I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
