Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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