My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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