I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
