you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
