just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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