I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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