Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
