do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
