Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
