By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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