This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want her autograph on my taint
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
