Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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