TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize