from now on my penis is your penis
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
