Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
