I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
