walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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