take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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