We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The Olympian is in my bed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
