Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
