I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
