I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
