Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
