Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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