Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
