the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
