I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize