i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
