No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
