this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
