he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
