This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
