Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
