hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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