I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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