you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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