I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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