We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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