new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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