my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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