and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
