Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
