I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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