i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize