ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
