On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I see more hoeing in ur future
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