You smell like a Billy Joel song
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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