i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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