I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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