Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
