i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
