Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
only you would photoshop your dick
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
