How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
