My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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