and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
