i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
