you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize