When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
