Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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