Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
