She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
