maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
